We know that finding a compatible partner isn’t just about shared interests or physical attraction — it’s deeply tied to the emotional patterns we carry into relationships. As a professional dating consultant, we often begin by helping clients understand their attachment style — because it shapes how they connect, communicate, and handle intimacy.

Attachment styles develop early in life, often based on childhood experiences, but they show up strongly in adult romantic relationships. Whether someone leans secure, anxious, or avoidant, these patterns influence how they give and receive love, deal with conflict, and handle vulnerability.

We work with clients across all attachment types. By understanding these styles and how they function, we’re better equipped to guide individuals toward lasting, healthy relationships.

What Is Attachment Style?

Attachment style is a psychological framework that defines how individuals form emotional bonds and respond to closeness or separation in relationships. The three primary adult attachment styles are:

  • Secure
  • Anxious
  • Avoidant

There is also a fourth, less common category known as disorganized (a mix of anxious and avoidant), but we focus on the three main types when consulting with clients at Prima Matchmaking.

We don’t use attachment theory to label or limit people — we use it as a tool to build self-awareness. When someone understands their attachment style, they gain insight into patterns that may be holding them back in dating or in long-term relationships.

Secure Attachment: The Foundation of Healthy Connection

Clients with a secure attachment style are generally comfortable with emotional intimacy. They tend to trust their partners, maintain healthy boundaries, and express needs without fear or shame. They don’t panic when their partner needs space, nor do they withdraw emotionally when things get serious.

As a dating consultant, we often identify secure individuals as those who communicate openly, listen with empathy, and demonstrate emotional resilience. They are more likely to form stable relationships and navigate conflict constructively.

While secure attachers are ideal partners, it’s important to note that they are not perfect. Like everyone, they have moments of insecurity, but their default response is to seek understanding and repair.

At Prima Matchmaking, when we pair someone with a secure attachment style, we prioritize matching them with individuals who appreciate and reciprocate emotional availability.

Anxious Attachment: The Fear of Abandonment

Those with an anxious attachment style tend to crave closeness, validation, and reassurance. They may feel unworthy of love and fear being abandoned, which often leads to clingy or overly dependent behavior. These individuals usually give a lot in relationships, sometimes too much, and feel devastated by signs of disconnection — even small ones.

We guide anxious attachers to recognize these patterns and shift from external validation to internal stability. Often, we see anxious daters confuse intensity with intimacy, or stay in unbalanced relationships out of fear rather than fulfillment.

In matchmaking, it’s essential to support clients with anxious tendencies in slowing down emotionally, communicating their needs clearly, and identifying partners who are emotionally responsive — but not overwhelmed by constant reassurance demands.

We help anxious clients strengthen their self-worth so they can enter relationships as whole individuals, not as someone seeking to be completed.

Avoidant Attachment: The Struggle with Closeness

Individuals with an avoidant attachment style often value independence above all else. They may keep their emotional distance, struggle to express feelings, or view vulnerability as weakness. While they may desire connection, they fear losing autonomy or being engulfed by their partner.

Avoidant daters can appear charming and self-sufficient early on, but when emotional intimacy grows, they may begin to withdraw, criticize, or emotionally shut down. These behaviors aren’t rooted in a lack of interest — they’re protective strategies built from early experiences with unreliable or overwhelming caregivers.

As a dating consultant, we don’t try to force avoidant clients into vulnerability. Instead, we work with them to explore the fears behind their need for emotional distance. We encourage gradual openness and show them that closeness does not have to mean a loss of control or identity.

We help avoidant clients find partners who respect their boundaries while gently inviting them into deeper emotional territory.

How Attachment Styles Interact in Dating

Many relationship struggles come from mismatched attachment styles. One of the most common combinations we see is anxious-avoidant, which often results in a frustrating push-pull dynamic. The anxious partner seeks closeness, while the avoidant partner pulls away, leading to a cycle of tension and confusion.

As a matchmaking agency, we guide clients to recognize not only their own attachment style but also how it interacts with others. Awareness helps clients choose partners more mindfully — not just based on chemistry, but on emotional compatibility.

Two secure partners often create the most stable relationships, but even anxious and avoidant types can succeed together if both parties are willing to grow. We coach clients on how to communicate needs clearly and manage their triggers so the relationship dynamic becomes supportive rather than reactive.

Can Attachment Styles Change?

Yes — one of the most empowering messages we share as a dating consultant is that attachment styles are not fixed. They are patterns, not permanent identities. With intentional work, individuals can shift toward more secure behaviors, especially within safe and supportive relationships.

We help clients identify patterns that no longer serve them and replace them with new, healthier ways of relating. For example, an anxious dater can learn to self-soothe and set boundaries. An avoidant partner can learn to tolerate closeness and express emotion. And even someone secure can deepen their emotional skills for long-term connection.

Prima Matchmaking often pairs coaching with introductions, so clients not only meet compatible partners but also gain the relationship tools needed to succeed once the connection begins.

Why Understanding Attachment Matters in Matchmaking

In our experience, attachment theory provides some of the most useful insights for long-term compatibility. It allows us to look beneath surface traits like hobbies or career status and evaluate emotional alignment.

A relationship between two people who understand and respect each other’s attachment styles has a higher chance of thriving. We match based not only on interests or lifestyle but on how each person shows up emotionally in relationships.

When a client understands their attachment pattern, they can date more consciously — choosing connection over reaction, honesty over fear, and mutual respect over control.

Meet your match in Los Angeles — book a personal consultation today